Grace Over Games: Leading the Person Who Tries to Undermine You

You’re in charge. A new team member joins. They shake your hand, smile, nod—and then proceed to ignore everything you say.

At first, it’s subtle. A deadline slightly missed. A different format than the one you asked for. Small things, and maybe you think: “They’re just finding their feet.” You give it time.

But soon, the pattern sharpens. In meetings, they talk over you. They change decisions behind your back. Their tone is passive-aggressive. To your face, they’re pleasant—but the results tell another story. You sense it. Others sense it too.

And you ask yourself: What is going on here?

And more dangerously: Did I do something wrong?

Let’s pause right there. Because here’s the first truth: this isn’t about you.

It’s not about your likability, your leadership skills, or how approachable you are.

It’s about someone who doesn’t want to be led.

That’s the first step in handling situations like this—getting your own heart in order. If you internalize the resistance, it will destabilize you. So don’t. Take a deep breath, and know this: good leadership isn’t about pleasing everyone. It’s about being grounded enough to lead even when someone else is out of sync.

Now, once that’s clear, here’s step two: be direct.

Not aggressive. Not emotional. Just very, very clear.

“I asked for X to be done by Monday. I noticed you delivered Y on Wednesday. That’s not acceptable.”

That’s it. No guilt. No apology.

Just a mirror. And your presence.

Because great leaders don’t flinch when the room gets uncomfortable.

They stand. With calmness. With strength. With clarity.

And finally—be forecastable.

Yes, that’s a word I love. And yes, it matters.

Your team needs to know what to expect from you. Your rhythm. Your standards. Your pace. When you are consistent, it’s easier for people to fall into step with you. Even the difficult ones. Even the rebels.

And here’s the magic: they often do.

Maybe not right away.

Maybe not loudly.

But over time—they shift.

Some take weeks. Some take months. I’ve seen it take a full year.

But when you stay true to your leadership—when you remain clear, kind, and consistent—people adjust. They follow. Not because they’re forced to, but because they trust where you’re going.

And if they don’t?

Well—some shoes are simply not meant to walk your path.

You’re still the leader.

And that’s more than enough.