Stop Trying to Make Yourself Smaller

He was almost two meters tall.

For several months, I worked with him on a strategic finance transformation.

He was the Head of Finance. The person responsible for shaping the future target operating model of the department. A senior leader. A decision maker.

And yet, throughout the project, something felt off.

Not in a single meeting.

In almost every interaction.

His shoulders were rounded. Eye contact was limited. He seemed to physically occupy less space than his height would naturally suggest.

The interesting part was that he was not lacking competence.

Nor was he lacking opinions.

Whenever he spoke, it became clear that he understood the subject matter. He had perspectives. He had preferences. He had views on where things should go.

But somehow, they rarely landed with the weight they deserved.

Over time, I started wondering why.

And I believe the answer was coherence.

People trust coherence.

When a person’s role, presence, communication, and behaviour point in the same direction, leadership feels natural.

When they point in different directions, people become uncertain.

The contradiction does not need to be large.

Sometimes it is enough that the person responsible for making decisions does not appear comfortable carrying the authority that comes with those decisions.

Sometimes it is enough that somebody’s physical presence and behavioural presence tell two different stories.

And people notice.

Not necessarily consciously.

But they notice.

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Your physical presence is part of who you are.

Your height.

Your voice.

Your posture.

Your facial expressions.

The energy you bring into a room.

Some of these things can be developed.

Many of them cannot.

A person who is 1.90 meters tall will remain a tall person.

A person with a naturally deep voice will likely continue to have one.

A person with a strong presence will probably continue to be noticed when entering a room.

The goal is not to fight these things.

The goal is to understand them.

Because whether we like it or not, people form impressions long before we start speaking.

And the more senior our role becomes, the more important those impressions become.

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I have seen the challenge from different angles.

I have seen very tall people trying to make themselves smaller.

Trying not to stand out.

Trying not to be noticed.

Trying not to take up the space they naturally occupy.

And I have also seen people step into leadership roles while still behaving as if they were waiting for somebody else to take responsibility.

Neither situation is necessarily wrong.

But both raise an interesting question:

Are we fully aware of how we show up?

Not how we would like to show up.

Not how we think we show up.

But how we actually show up.

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The older I get, the less I believe leadership is about becoming somebody else.

It is much more about becoming comfortable with who you already are.

Understanding your natural presence.

Understanding how others perceive you.

Understanding the signals you send before you even open your mouth.

And then making conscious choices.

Not to become bigger.

Not to become smaller.

Simply to become coherent.

Because people trust coherence.

And leadership becomes much easier when the person, the presence, and the role all tell the same story.

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I would love to hear your perspective.

Has your physical presence ever influenced how others perceived you at work?

And has that changed as your career progressed?