Stop Networking. Start Building Relationships.

For years, young professionals have been told the same piece of career advice: “Build your network.” The advice is right – but the mental picture is often wrong. Many people hear networking and immediately think of conferences, business breakfasts, LinkedIn connection requests or exchanging business cards. But that’s rarely how the relationships that shape careers are actually built.

What is a network?

A network is not a collection of names on LinkedIn. It’s a collection of people who know you, trust you, have worked with you, and have seen how you think and solve problems. In other words, a network is accumulated trust.

Think about something simple. Imagine you suddenly need one egg. You don’t usually knock on the door of a complete stranger – you ask the neighbour you’ve spoken to before. The relationship existed long before the need appeared, and careers work in much the same way. When opportunities arise, people rarely ask, “Who has the biggest network?” They ask, “Who do I know?”

Why older professionals swear by networking

The strongest advocates of networking are often people in their forties or fifties, and they’re absolutely right. But they’re benefiting from something that’s easy to overlook: twenty years of accumulated relationships. The introductions I receive today rarely come from conversations I had last month. They come from internships, former colleagues, projects that ended years ago, and friendships that had time to mature.

That changes the way young professionals should think about networking. Building a network isn’t something you suddenly start doing once you need it. It’s something that quietly happens while you build your career.

You don’t build your network at networking events.

You build it while living your life. During university, internships, projects, study-abroad semesters, over lunch, or while solving difficult problems together. Most meaningful professional relationships don’t begin because two people decided to “network.” They begin because they shared an experience, enjoyed working together, and built trust over time.

The relationship comes first. The network follows.

So what if you’re just starting your career?

At this point, many young professionals think: “That’s great – but I don’t have twenty years yet.” Exactly. Nobody does at the beginning. That’s why your job today isn’t to cash in your network – it’s to plant it.

Every internship matters. Every colleague matters. Every coffee conversation matters. Every project matters. You never know who will become a founder, a client, a hiring manager or a future business partner. Your network is quietly growing, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

So don’t obsess over networking. Focus on enjoying the people around you, building genuine friendships, staying curious and helping others. And when those relationships naturally move online, stay connected. LinkedIn shouldn’t replace real relationships – it should simply help you keep them alive.

But can you approach people you don’t know?

Absolutely. Sometimes you do need to knock on a stranger’s door. But if you do, be clear about what you’re asking for. If you borrow an egg, you know exactly why you rang the bell. Professional outreach works the same way.

Instead of writing, “I’d love to connect and pick your brain,” make a concrete request. Ask whether someone would be willing to answer a few questions for your master’s thesis, whether you could spend a day shadowing their team, or whether they offer internships in their company. Clear requests are much easier to answer than vague ones.

At the same time, always think about what’s in it for the other person. Perhaps they enjoy mentoring young professionals. Perhaps they appreciate sharing their expertise. Perhaps your research contributes to their field. People are often far more generous than we expect – but generosity becomes much easier when your request is thoughtful, respectful and easy to understand.

Networking is a long game.

This is why I sometimes think the word networking is misleading. It sounds like an activity – something you schedule for Thursday evening. In reality, it’s much closer to gardening. You plant relationships, invest time, stay in touch and help before you ask.

Years later, when an unexpected opportunity appears, those relationships often become your greatest career advantage. Not because you mastered networking, but because, over many years, you became someone people genuinely wanted to hear from.

Your career will rarely be changed by the people whose business card you collected last week. It will be changed by the people whose trust you’ve earned over many years – and by the strangers you approached thoughtfully, respectfully and with genuine curiosity.

Don’t collect contacts. Build relationships. Then simply don’t lose them.