Forgiveness in the corporate world

“If I forgive, I am the weaker person”, my colleague argues. “When there is negative energy within me, I need to act on it”, another points out. Somehow the discussion how to react on insults in our daily lives increases in its intensity. I cannot recall how we hit the the topic but somewhere along the line I recommend simple forgiveness when being wronged.

Forgiveness.

My colleagues are puzzled. Their faces shift from disbelief to pure disgust and back to curiosity. How could someone even think of such a solution for a conflict at work!?

I admit, based on my personality type I am very seldomly the first one to act in a peaceful forgiving way. But when the rush is over, the day comes to an end – what is going to happen with the inner wrath? Do you just go to bed and keep it?

This picture might help: You take a shower daily – otherwise you start stinking. Same is true for your soul and mind. If you keep the wrath within, no wonder you speak and act stinky (towards your family, friends and colleagues.)

Ouch!

So what can be done? In the following sections potential actions are described. Each one will help – but you choose whether you use them. Try them when you are alone. Nobody needs to know. But the effects will be visible.

The list is not complete - and I would love to read in the comments how you work with situations where you have been wronged during the day. 

Change your perspective

Think about the situation again. And assume the other person had a positive mindset, doing everything in his/her best attitude. How would you interpret the action in that new light?

Write it down

Journaling is key in working out emotions. [get inspired on this here: https://consultinginhighheels.com/2018/10/30/pen-and-paper/]

Write down everything that is on your mind – the situation, how you felt, why the other person is a jerk. Everything. You will see, it will clean your mind. (You are welcome to throw the paper away. Or burn it. If you feel like it.)

Speak

This method might sound strange at first – but it is helpful. Envision that person and actually SPEAK that you forgive. It wires something in your brain – and since you hear yourself speak, the narrative in your brain changes. You stop the story of “that jerk” (and I guess your family will be quite happy not to hear about that negativity again.)

Road to recharge

“I need a break! I am exhausted!”, the mind signals. You know these moments when you are overwhelmed by life. With these 4 powerful steps you will get to your peaceful place.

Too many to-dos, tasks, responsibilities. The week has been crazy again and a break is desperately needed. But how to find peace? 

Truth is – although you need some peace and silence, the thoughts keep rushing through your head, leaving no space to truly recharge.

With these 4 powerful steps you will get to your peaceful place. 

1. Take the decision to calm down 

First and foremost this decision needs to be taken. Are you ready to calm down!? If so, find a silent cosy place, sit down and breathe. Take a pen and paper with you.

2. Put aside your inner hustle

Put all thoughts that are now spinning to paper. All those to dos you fear to forget. Take a note and assure your brain that they will not be forgotten. They are safely stored on the piece of paper and you can relax.

3. Become mindful

Breathe. Inhale deep through your nose, fill your lungs and your whole tummy and exhale through your mouth. Inhale again. Notice how the air is filling your corpus. Feel how your tummy expands. And let the stress leave with the continuous flow of air.

Continue breathing.

4. Recharge

While you sink into mindful breathing start thinking what you are thankful for. Who is in your life you highly value? What talents do you have?
What have you accomplished you can be proud of?

When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.


Kristin Armstrong

Stay in the attitude of gratitude for a while. Feel how stress lowers and new love and vision is rising for those who are most valuable to you.

When you feel ready you slowly get back into your daily life. This exercise can be done daily in 10-15 minutes. Or you start a whole day or vacation with these steps in order to leave any stress behind.

Trick your brain

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

The human brain is amazing. Even in the midst of adversity the brain is capable of recalling pleasant pictures. And while riding the emotional rollercoaster we can get to ease just by envisioning a calm and uplifting episode of our past.

I am convinced this knowledge makes a difference in your daily routines. And if you use it for your own good, you will become more successful in life. Join me in this thought experiment.

Just pick any stressful situation: an unpleasant feedback of your boss, that furious call of a customer, your child screaming down the neighbourhood for no reason. Immediately your brain switches to stress-mode – you can only focus on the bad, your creativity is limited, you want to run away. All those reactions are totally normal. The human brain is programmed like this. If we get into stress, we want to get out of it. Quickly.

Unluckily running off isn’t possible most of the times. So we suffer in the situation. And even if the stressor is gone, we ponder on the bad feeling; replaying the stress situation again and again.

Interestingly we can keep the bad feeling for quite a long time although the situation has passed. While hitting replay in our minds again and again, we also revive the bad mood attached.

If that is true for stressful memories, why not using it for good!?

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

Norman Vincent Peale – Pastor & Author

Pastor Peale nails it down quite precise: instead of rerunning the same hurtful thoughts, the human brain is capable of activating positive recollections. And while thinking of the good old day(s) the emotion slowly follow.

How does it look like to put this into practice?

Keep an assorted collection of your finest memories. Maybe that marvelous sunset at the beach while your feet sunk into soft sand? Perhaps that good laughter with your closest friends over dinner the other night?

Whatever it is, make sure it is easy to recall. Whenever you get into the stressful situation, set yourself an inner “stop!”, relaunch your memory and take a moment to regrow the positive feeling.

Remember: you are not a victim of your (bad) environment and the emotions attached to hard situations. You can keep your inner peace. And by staying calm, be able to think creatively, find new solutions and make good decisions.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4, 23

I wonder whether Pastor Peale is referencing to this bible verse when he is writing about positive thinking. Only a sound mind and a peaceful heart are able to make solid decisions. Decisions that influence our lives.

I encourage you to take care of your emotions. Be the guard of your heart and stop negative thoughts early. Instead turn to powerful memories and refill your emotional reservoir during the day.