Stop limiting yourself

When it comes down to succeeding in any type of situation, it crucial whether you believe in your abilities or not. What belief is limiting your potential?

What do you believe about yourself?

We all know that particular colleague who somehow is over-confident and everyone is annoyed by the pride displayed. Nevertheless, when it comes down to achievements, these people reach more than one would think judged by their potential.

If you are convinced that you cannot reach a certain goal or do a particular action, you will never try. Or you try, but the shakiness in your actions lets other people doubt whether you are fully capable of what you are doing. We know this pattern as ‘self fulfilling prophecy”.

But what if your convictions about your potential and abilities are wrong? What if you are not as stupid / ugly / unwanted as you think? What could be different in your life?

Here is one interesting thought that might change your perspective regarding your cleverness. Professor Carol Dweck analyzed the learning potential of human beings, leading to new assumptions based on the mindset of the individuum. While there is the potential to get stuck in your learning abilities due to a ‘set mindset’, you are also capable of enhancing your abilities all your life when living with a ‘growth mindset’. The difference is the assumption that you take regarding your ability. In the first case you assume that you have already reached your peak performance; hence, every setback will convince you that you cannot progress and therefore you already have reached your limits. A ‘growth mindset’ sees failure or setbacks as a status-quo description but not a measurement of the potential that lies within you. Professor Dweck summarizes her results in this easy way:

Test scores and measures of achievement tell you where a student is, but they don’t tell you where a student could end up. – 

Carol Dweck

So, where can you end up?


Being challenged to think about these type of questions is part of a coaching session. A coach will always bring in new perspectives, challenge your mindset and uncover self-limiting beliefs. This is why Coaching can be tremendously exhausting and you need a lot of courage to face your inner fears. But once done, you will love the freedom that comes with the changed perspective of your life.

If you want to know more about coaching, check this: www.mgmtcnsltng.org

My bonus shows I am undervalued

If you handle failure the right way, you win nonetheless.

There are these times – the promotion has been denied, the deal has been lost, the project failed. The bonus is lower than expected and the pay raise had been higher once. Despite all the time and personal invest, you are confronted with failure. What usually worked, all of a sudden doesn’t.

Although everyone knows that the paycheck doesn’t reflect a person’s worth, very often people feel tremendously undervalued when not achieving their aspired goals. High performing business people invest so much time and energy into their professional success that the reward gets mentally linked to their identity and self-esteem. As long as win follows win this connection feels awesome. It is not only a professional win – it is also a validation of the person, to some even their personality. Sometimes the feeling of invincibility is visible from the outside by posture and gesture.

This grown connection between success and personality or even identity becomes dangerous when success is being delayed. Or worse: if failure is settling in. One bad situation might be handled. But if failure after failure is hitting, the impact cannot be ignored. All of a sudden the business flop feels like being a failure as a person. Bad comments of colleagues on top and the self-esteem crumbles. Depending on the person, the downward slide can take pretty long and is quite devastating.

Crack the causal connection of success and identity

When in a downward spiral it is quite easy to spot the unhealthy connections between success and self-esteem. It can be felt deep inside. Thoughts of failure keep nagging. So, if you currently feel like you are a total loser check on this connection in your brain. Yes, you might have failed in business issues. And no, that doesn’t define who you are as a person. Use this awareness to crack the causal connection of success and identity within you and explore who you are as a person. Thereby you win as a person although you are walking through failure.

But even when there is no failure trend in sight, it is helpful to disconnect personal success from the feeling of self-worth. Only because you are successful, e.g. got the promotion or won the big deal, doesn’t mean that you are more worth than anybody else. Step away from entitlement and be thankful for what you have. This way you can enjoy your success and you are prepared for times of failure.

Will you regret your success?

If you follow an unreflected assumption of success, you will lose in the big picture. Check yourself with the questions provided.

The group gathered from all ends of the world at the wooden kitchen table in some hostel in the middle of Dubai. They are exploring what success means to them and what they want from life. The swiss girl just quit her job and is convinced that success lies in happiness. And happiness is not connected to money. The guy from argentina is having is laptop in front of him – just doing one last thing for his job. He wants to get rich. Money it is!

The engineer from Kenia tries to find the balance between these two extremes – a certain amount of money will lead to happiness, he argues. But chasing money all your life doesn’t add value.

What is success to you?

How you answer this question will tremendously influence your behavior. And if you are one of many who hasn’t found your unique individual answer, it is worthwhile to check on your actions. Where do you allocate your time? Where do you invest your money?

Money and time are tremendous indicators in telling what is truly in a person’s heart. And there you will also find the truth of what you believe success means to you.

It is being able to go to bed each night with your soul at peace.

Paulo Coelho

Paulo Coelho is addressing success from a different angle. He brings in a measurement of peace. What do you think of this viewpoint?

Think early, avoid regret

Everyone wants to feel successful. This is how our brain is wired. If we are successful we get this tranquilizing rush that lets us feel happy, invincible and at peace. Unluckily, if we are wired to the wrong measurement, e.g. what success means to us, we will pursue agendas that won’t lead to an overall successful life.

Let’s take money as an example: Earning the first money is awesome. We are able to afford to move out from our parents homes or to buy our very first own trip abroad. It feels awesome. We are successful. So our brain learns that more money is wired to a feeling of happiness.

Over time it will get harder to increase the income. The sacrifices are higher, we need to invest a lot of time to stay top of our peer and get promotions. If we never question the underlying measurement of success – in this case: money – we will run blindsided into problems, e.g. losing close relationships.

regret/rɪˈɡrɛt/

a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over an occurrence or something that one has done or failed to do.

Dictionary

In order not to regret your behavior when it is too late, it is clever to question your measurements early in your career. With a regular reflection you are able to pursue a career and still keep your measurement in check.

What does success mean to you?

What evidence do you see in your behaviour – especially in time and money allocation – that shows that you your assumption about yourself is correct?

3… 2… 1… Reboot.

Every device needs to reboot every once in a while in order to install all updates and run smoothly afterwards. Same is true for human beings. Whatever your days are filled with – there need to be times when the routine stops and your body, soul and mind can reboot.

But how does an update for you look like?

Body – Often a change of location will support detaching from the daily hustle. Bringing your body physically to a different place will automatically give you new things to see, different smells to encounter and new sounds to hear. Whether that is the noise of a vibrant city, the calmness of the mountains or the fresh air in a park nearby – your senses will work with something new. Same is true for sporting activities – especially those where you have to learn something new. Get yourself out there!

Soul – Let’s call it “emotions” for simplification. Take some time and check on your emotions. What are you feeling when you are in your daily routine? Do you like what you are feeling? Do you want to continue to feel that way? Take some time to think about these questions and become honest with yourself. Even if you don’t like the “emotion-stuff” – as a human being it is part of who you are. Emotions are an indicator whether you are in a healthy state and whether you need change.

Mind – Everyone knows the moments when thoughts are just running through your mind and you can hardly find peace. The open to dos on the list, that upcoming meeting and the next deal ahead – they all require attention. Your mind is constantly powering. During a reboot find yourself some time to stop that rollercoaster in your head.

Here is an inspiration on how to do that: Start by writing down the most important things that you don’t want to forget. That helps you to get at ease to relax. Those things will not be forgotten – they are safe on a piece of paper. Then start in a meditation session. There are tons of apps out there to help you.

At first it might feel weird to actively go into reboot – especially for soul and mind. But by training relaxation and meditation you will soon feel how much pressure is lifting off – and how much more effective you will be when returning into your daily life.

How aristotle can help with sexual harassment

He lays his hand on her knee. “Well, sweetie, we should work on this together”, he speaks with a broad smile – leaving open whether he is referring to the content on the desktop or the interhuman relationship. She freezes. Unable to move or speak. Her heart is bumping, in her head thousands of thoughts – “Should I speak up?”, “Is this already sexual harassment?”, “Am I too upright?”, “We need to work for at least half a year together…”, “He will rate me at the end of the project…”, “Speak now or never…” … tic toc, the seconds elapse.

What would you do? How do you react when you are witness of such a moment?

Situations like these need one thing for sure: Courage. Courage to make a decision. Courage to speak up. Courage in this sense is not an extreme in which one person leaning. It is not about being an extremist on a scale. It is rather acting based on a virtue.

According to the greek philosophers aligning the daily actions with a set of virtues lead to a fulfilled life – simply set – to happiness. Therefore lets see how ancient philosophy can help us today.

Aristotle describes courage as a balanced state – a “mean” – between two extremes. Courage lies between cowardliness and rashness. A coward will never step up. Fear is holding him so intensely that he is not willing or able to overcome the barrier. Fear of rejection is so powerful that a lot of people never act how they want to. They always assume the worst reaction of their environment – and so they rather stay silent than speaking up. The other extreme are people acting in rashness – without considering consequences. They are not afraid, but overconfidence can lead to unhealthy decisions, too.

Courage is a mean with regard to fear and confidence.

Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics 3.6

Therefore, courage is action in confidence despite fear. An action that is rooted in a virtue that drives behaviour. Courageous people know that feeling of fear. That bumping of the heart. That moment when you know that it is up to you to make that decision. Mixed in that emotion is a deep confidence that for some reason it is the right thing to do. And right there it is – courage!

Coming back to the hand-on-the-knee-story. As you have guessed correctly – it is a real story. What happened back then?

She actively takes the hand of him off her knee telling him clearly: Never put your hand on this spot again! She sets a healthy boundary. They still can work together. But touching the other person is out of line.

STOP! Don’t do a career!

In the newspaper of last weekend was an interesting cartoon – the hierarchy of needs by Maslow reframed for a classical consulting career. It named this order from bottom upwards:

  1. Finalize high class MBA
  2. Buy a Porsche
  3. Become shareholder of the consulting company
  4. Become naming partner of your company
  5. Hike Camino de Santiago (and find yourself)

If you know some consultants you might find a person for each stage. Because there is some truth in it: Some are doing the career for money and status. They are good in what they do, get rewarded and walk on. Only when the reward is so high that it is hardly possible to increase it any further – but the emptiness inwardly stays the same – people start changing their paths to look for fulfillment in a different area of life.

But what happened to people who have searched for fulfillment in that different style? People who have eaten, prayed and loved. People who were gone for a while to hike the Camino de Santiago. People who sold their ferraris. All of them found new aspects in life, increased inner peace and got deeper insights. But basically they had the same 24 hours on a daily basis as everyone else. They needed to make a living, too. Although they had a special time dedicated for special actions, they all came back to a regular life – some with different jobs but at least with some sort of work that paid the bills. So in consequence, it seems that it is less about the lifestyle but rather about the mindset of a person.

So why do people hit No. 5 in the named hierarchy of needs?

People need to have an answer to their “WHY”. Why are you doing what you are doing? As long as you are running an imaginary path that you didn’t even choose nor created you will hit a point in which you wonder: why?

Why the stress? Why the hustle? Why the long hours?

In the beginning of your career you are certain that the answer will come along the way. Thoughts like “when I reach x amount of salary …” or “if I become partner …” postpone the essential question of “Why are you getting up in the morning?”. You just assume that the answer will be behind the next promotion.

Spoiler: You will not find the answer to your “WHY” along your career path.

Therefore it does make sense to invest some severe thinking and time of reflection right now – and create that new mindset. Who are you? What do you like? Why do you get up in the morning? What motivates you?

When you found your answers, you can still be successful in your career – but you probably have stopped to do a career only to chase for an answer you assume coming with the next promotion. You are having fun in doing what you are doing – and if that happens to be a highly paid job it’s totally cool.

What is the benefit when you do what you love?

You become more resilient towards setbacks. Because you are not working for a future result, the dependency of the targeted reward decreases. If you get that promotion: Awesome! Celebrate! If you don’t get that promotion: you still liked every day of your work because you know why you got up in the morning.

Your colleagues and friends will like to be with you, because everyone will sense that you like what you do. You will be more at ease with yourself and therefore more likeable for all around you.

All of this starts with a bold answer to the little question: Why are you doing what you are doing?

Do you have a leadership mindset?

Do the test and find out what kind of leadership mindset you have. Is your behavior attractive for other people to follow you? Check on your attitude to discover areas to grow next.

Take some time to answer the following questions for yourself. Think about them and maybe take a note. This reflection is part of the test and will already help you to find new ideas and areas to grow. After answering read on and evaluate yourself.

  1. How do you like to be led?
  2. Whom did you help in your career? (Name at least 3 people)
  3. How do you like to lead?
  4. What is leadership to you? (Find at least 3 descriptions)

As you can imagine it does make sense to look at the answers of questions 1 and 3 together. It really is important to know what you need when you are led: freedom to decide for yourself? guidance for the next step? vision to move on? feedback in order to grow? Take the effort to think about it and reflect on the leadership styles of your superiors. Maybe it is worthwhile to tell some of them what you need in order to reach your full potential.

Look at question 3: how do you LIKE to lead? It is not so much about your actual behavior – which you should also check. But it is about your inner feeling regarding leadership. What attracts you to leadership? Why do you acquire a leadership position? Usually leadership positions are rewarded with a higher salary. But leadership means working with people – not working for more money. Or lets say: a lot of poor leadership roots in weak motivations for leadership positions.

This leads to question 4 – what is leadership to you? There is probably no right or wrong answer to this question. But when you look at your answers, check this question: would you like to work for a person that describes leadership that way?

Let’s talk about the core question: Whom did you help in your career? Who is on your list? People who were your bosses back in the days or people who were in a position where they could not promote nor repay you (e.g. mentees, interns, students)? Where is your focus? Do you take care only of your own career or are you concerned of the career of others, too? This question is a good indicator for a leadership mindset. Leadership in a sense of bringing other people to a new place in their life.

This test is not about name and shame bad behavior but rather a heartcheck for yourself whether you are growing into the person people like to follow.