Tag: #personalgrowth

How often do I have to call my mentee?

Ever wondered whether you are a good mentor? Here is an example of becoming the worst mentor possible.

„How often do I have to call my mentee?“, the colleague asks. My face turns slowly towards the voice I heard from across the room. My mind is wondering, whether this question actually has been asked!? I take a closer look. The colleague who asked the question isn’t even in the role of a mentor yet – and the question already includes a „have to“? I am puzzled.

How often do I have to call my mentee?

Generally spoken, there is no stupid question. And yet, questions reveal so much of a person’s heart and believes. Putting ‚have to‘ in the context of mentorship just displays how little someone is ready for a mentor-role. Asking for a quantitative measurement („How often…“) in the context of a mentoring relationship is even more shocking.

Back then I would have loved to answer:

You don’t. You most certainly don’t „have to“.

Call your mentee because you are interested in his/her well-being. Call him/her when you have news to share. Call him/her because you like talking to this individual.

But please, don’t call someone because you „have to“.

And please, don’t use a quantitative scale to measure a relationship. Don’t tick your „mentee-call“ off the to do list.

But independent from the grotesqueness of the content, the question implies a lack of vision for mentorship, too. The question at hand:

Why would you become a mentor?

In many companies it is an easy answer, when holding the role of a mentor is influencing your promotion process positively. But aside from your personal career, what are your reasons to be a mentor?  

Personally, I love to see people unfold their potential. My mentees are a very essential group of people who I can walk with and support in their career. Often, I bring in coaching techniques, my personal experience or just some time to listen to the topics of my mentees. I dedicate time to speak to my mentees in order to build a relationship – and then it’s easy to talk. This relationship is the basis for them taking advice, engaging in coaching moments and trusting me even with sensitive topics.

If you are already a mentor, take some time to reflect on your reasons. If you feel like calling mentees is a burden that needs to be done occasionally, think of options to change that. Maybe you need to quit your mentor role for some people. Maybe you need to change your mindset. Maybe you need to define your ‘why’ new. But please don’t call anyone because it’s on your to-do-list and you ‘have to’ call ‘4 times a year’.

If you are not a mentor yet, think of what you would like your mentor to do and start developing yourself into that person. If you liked your mentor to listen well, train listening to other people and engage in conversations with questions.

Use feedback to speak potential

If you ever had a leader who spoke about your potential you will never forget how much power that released in you. Therefore learn how to address the hidden potential in your mentees to grow your team.

“Now we speak of your weaknesses … hm … I should have said ‘potential areas to grow'”, my project leader winks at me with a conspirative smile. Someone must have told him that speaking of ‘weaknesses’ isn’t cool anymore – and therefore he needs to use a cover word. But the intention of his next sentences was clear: to show me areas where I fall short in his opinion. I hated working for him.

I guess, if you are around in business for a few years you know those feedback situations. You might even have learned in trainings to use cover words yourself and somehow work through feedback sessions – unsure what to say and how to say it. Or even convinced that this is the final day of judgement where you can tell your co-workers all the stuff you hate about them.

And then, there are those great people in businesses – real mentors who speak to you and afterwards you feel positive and stronger. Not because the content is only polished-positive but because they somehow speak in a way that you can actually use to grow.

In the past years, this monitored discrepancy made me wonder and search what feedback actually is meant for and how it can be delivered in order to see people benefit from it.

What is feedback?

By definition feedback consists of two attributes: Firstly, there needs to be an observation of something that happened – e.g. by a team member in the workplace. Secondly, this observation must be useful to leverage a change on it and therefore lead to improvement.

feedback/ˈfiːdbak/

information about reactions to a product, a person’s performance of a task, etc. which is used as a basis for improvement.

Dictionary

For example: A colleague sends out an important email to a wrong address. A useful feedback could be: The email was sent to the wrong address (description of what happened). You seemed to be under timely pressure and therefore you didn’t ask a colleague for review (sharing the observation). When you need to send an important email the next time, please ask someone for review (explanation of a potential improvement).

Feedback brings awareness to an area of unconsciousness. And by getting to know the information, one can get better.

Use feedback to light a fire

For sure, sometimes feedback needs to focus on behaviour that limits the career of a colleague. And by giving examples of their doing they are set free to change.

But what do you think of this perspective: Use feedback not only to state situations where a person failed but rather in which he/she has been really really excelled. There are a lot of people who outgrow themselves when you emphasize their strengths. Ask yourself: What does your mentee unconsciously do positively and needs to be pointed out?

Lately, one of my teammates needed to present a difficult topic to the client. We rehearsed the essential parts. Then the big day was there. She performed brilliantly on stage. Which I told her afterwards. But I did not stop there. I described all aspects of her strong performance precisely so that she could see why it was very successful. I even emphasized on her strength as a speaker and told her that I want to see her on larger stages and that she has a voice to be heard. She beamed for joy.

Another colleague of mine always did a great job but stayed somewhat silent in the overall group – you could almost miss that he was there. In feedbacks I emphasized on the very trustworthy results. Those results should be shown to others. They were proof of a brilliant mind. And we as a team would love to see more of the smart person behind the reliable work. Step by step the colleague became more visible and spoke about his contribution to the project.

Adress the potential!

In addition to giving feedback you can grow your mentees on purpose by getting to know their strengths. Here are some ideas: ask your people what they are dreaming about. What is his/her goal? Where lies the passion? Take some time to think: Is there any possibility for you to give your mentee a stage to live his/her passion? Here are some examples:

  • (1) Did you just hear that he/she likes to speak in front of many people? – Find a client or internal meeting and give him/her the role of the moderator.
  • (2) Did you hear a certain topic (that you are not familiar with)? – Find a colleague and connect them so that your team member can pursue his/her passion.
  • (3) Did you hear he/she loves to work alone on a difficult problem and find the solution? – Find a project in which that strength plays out.

Seeing people walk in their strength with joy and passion, lifts my mood. Therefore I always try to speak about the potential I see in people. Sometimes they are not aware of it themselves or they are unsure whether they are allowed to follow their dream. To give these people a special kick by a wholeheartedly feedback regarding their potential, is pure joy.

Try it, too.